I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
