I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Even my vagina gasped.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
