Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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