First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
