i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
