I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude i'm inner monologue high
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
