Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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