I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
