k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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