Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
