FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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