Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
