Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
