Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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