the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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