I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
