You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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