and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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