i wish my penis had a tongue
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
