i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
