I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
