I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
