She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
high people should be assigned attendants
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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