I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my shit smells like andre
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
