How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
