I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
