Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am one with the molecules
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
