On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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