Christians are straight up FREAKS
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
