One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
