Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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