I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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