This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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