She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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