could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want to make out with him forever
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
