tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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