Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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