Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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