I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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