Christians are straight up FREAKS
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
