is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
