The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
