Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
