I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
