Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
