After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
