I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
