Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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