walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
