grandma shit on top of the toilet
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
