last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
