I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
