I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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