im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
