I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
