First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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