whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
