loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I didn't notice because vodka
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
