clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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