just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
