Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
