All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
