I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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