she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
